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Mamata Misra is a community volunteer and anti-violence activist living in Austin, Texas. She has been published in poetry collections, newsletters, journals, and contributed to the documentary film “Veil of Silence.” Formerly, the Programs Director of SAHELI, an organization in Austin, Texas that assists Asian families dealing with domestic abuse, Mamata Misra is a core member of a national team called ACT (Action + Community = Transformation) that is developing prevention and intervention strategies for child sexual abuse in South Asian communities in the US. Her community service has resulted in several awards, including the YWCA Woman of the Year award in 2005.

Tyler: Thank you for joining me today, Mamata, and congratulations on publishing your book. To begin, I understand “Winter Blossoms” has a theme that connects the poems. Will you tell us about that theme?

Mamata: Thank you, Tyler.

The poems were written at different times over a period of several years; so when I decided to put them together as a book, I expected to find multiple themes. I organized the poems under five broad themes as chapter titles: Mother and Child, War and Peace, Questions NOT Answers, Hope and Despair, and Sound and Silence. But many of the poems could have been placed under multiple themes and I had to choose. So there seems to be a deeper connection between the poems across the chapter themes, a thread that holds them together.

Probably the best way for me to answer your question is by answering a different question: Is there a phrase that would sum up what I was doing in all those years? If so, that would be the thread that connects the poems in this book. I think I was simply “seeking inner peace in our connected and isolated world.” For example, the first poem “A loving presence” is about the peaceful, joyful beginning of life and connection with one’s own mother. The last poem “On Enchanted Rock,” a haiku, is a stark truth about life and death, and our connection with elements of nature. All the poems are about some aspect of living or dying. They call to pause for a moment to examine how we lose peace and our connections with others, and to seek ways in which peace and connections may be retained.

Tyler: How would you describe the style of poetry you write?

Mamata: I use simple and clear language. I ask a lot of questions. I write in first person. I am intentional, the intention being, to capture in words the intensity of the thought or feeling that compels me to write, so that after the intensity of the feeling leaves me, the words would carry it and compel the reader to see what I am seeing, feel what I am feeling. Usually, the ending note is important in my poems. It is the point of satisfaction for me where the transformation of thought into words has been completed; but it is also that transition point where the poem may create an understanding or a lingering thought in the mind of the reader.

Tyler: Mamata, you mentioned an intensity of feeling-is it always a feeling, an emotion that inspires your work-how do you get the concept for a poem, and how do you then take that feeling or concept and get it down on paper?

Mamata: Many of the poems in Winter Blossoms were inspired by the feelings and struggles of survivors of abuse, when I was deeply moved by their stories. Then there was 911 and what followed. There was illness and death in the family. Emotions were not on shortage to energize a concept.

The concept for a poem may come from anywhere, something I saw, heard, read, felt, discovered, or understood. Sometimes the concept comes as a spontaneous image or thought that suddenly surfaces from the subconscious; I feel a tremendous urge to put it down on paper just as I see it, and it comes out easily and fast. At other times, it lingers in the mind vaguely for days until I can find a handle to hold it and look at it from different angles. Writing helps me to think and the idea becomes clearer. Sometimes I get stuck, or change my mind. Sometimes, I may have started out with prose in mind but it may jell in poetry. Poetry seems to have a mind of its own.

One of the poems in the book, “Writer’s Companion,” is about the process of getting it down on paper. Once I get something down, over the next few days, I try alternately to be the reader and writer, pointing out what isn’t working and trying to fix it. This can be a long never-ending process sometimes.

Tyler: Why did you choose the title of “Winter Blossoms”?

Mamata: “Winter Blossoms” is the title of one of the poems in the book that was triggered by seeing spring blossoms in winter. The poem came out in a spontaneous way; like a painless childbirth. I thought it would be a good title for the book because it implies something beautiful, bold, and rare.

Tyler: Mamata, will you tell us a little more about your background as an Asian American? How do you think that experience is different from that of other Americans, and to what extent do you think your being Asian American is the source of your poetry?

Mamata: I was born and raised in India in a middle class Hindu family. I lived the first twenty-two years of my life in India, and then migrated to the US to join my husband. I have lived in the US for 35 years. So I should be more American than Asian and probably am in some ways. But my upbringing, Indian mythology, and mysticism have influenced my attitude and thinking.

Experiences of immigrants are different from those of the natives in any country. First generation South Asian Americans in the US like myself, who migrated in the 70s and 80s, missed their culture: language, religious and social practices, holidays, food, music, dance, and their way of life in general. In addition, we had no family in the US to laugh or cry with. So first, we built communities that addressed these cultural, social, and religious needs. Being the educated lot, we were, by and large, successful in our careers and became known as a model minority group in the US. While we related to other Americans through our professions, our social interactions often stayed within our own ethnic communities. Then we gave birth to a second generation of kids who didn’t speak our language or understand our culture. How to raise children in two different cultures became the worry of South Asian parents and how to handle conflicting pressures from parents and peers became the worry of the kids. Thus the culture gap didn’t exist only outside, it had penetrated our homes too.

As we rolled into the 90s, some of us noticed that even in our educated model minority community, some women were facing difficult living conditions, such as family violence, and had no recourse. The mainstream services were neither adequate nor accessible for Asian women due to linguistic, cultural, legal, or financial barriers. Therefore, some women took leadership to engage their communities to help the victims of family violence. In many cities, volunteer-run, South Asian women-led organizations formed with confidential help lines. SAHELI is one such organization that started in Austin in 1992, the first of its kind in Texas, which reached out not just to South Asians but all Asian Americans. I became a part of it as an advocate.

Thus, my life was touched not only by my own experience as an Asian American immigrant but also by the collective experiences of women I came in contact with through my advocacy work. My poetry draws from Indian mysticism that is part of my culture, my own experience as a first generation Asian immigrant, and my experience as an advocate for Asian women survivors of family violence.

Tyler: Will you give us an example of how you have used Indian mysticism and your Indian background specifically as a source for your poetry?

Mamata: For example, a concept that comes from ancient India is that of ‘maya’ which is a creative and illusive power that makes things look different from the truth. I have a poem titled “Maya,” where a mother is wondering how to explain this difficult concept to her American born son.

I have also used lines from Vedic peace prayers, the concept of the witnessing consciousness present in each of us, characters from Indian epics, and symbols of Hindu goddesses in my poems.

Tyler: You also mentioned you have done a lot of community service work, especially for South Asian communities in the U.S. How has that work influenced your poetry?

Mamata: My advocacy work provided a window to look closely at gender bias, human indignity, and injustice that I probably would not have seen otherwise. It moved me to action in many ways and writing about it both in prose and poetry was one of them. My work was challenging and lonely. Poetry was an effective way for me to take care of myself by taking the nagging thoughts out but not losing them. It was also useful in my community outreach work. Appearing in SAHELI newsletters, it touched readers.

Tyler: When did you first decide or realize you were a poet?

Mamata: I wrote poems in my first language Oriya as a child, around age 8 or 9. I was published in the children’s weekly of a local newspaper. I had pen friends with whom I was corresponding in verse. My brother and I had produced several issues of a family magazine that was handwritten and hand illustrated with contributions from kids in the extended family. All this was just childhood fun that stopped eventually. As I grew, my interests shifted. I studied science, not liberal arts, not literature, and settled with a career in computer science. Then I kept myself busy for many years juggling family and work with little time for anything else.

My old love for poetry returned when I was in my mid 40s. It got awakened in the shocking discovery that in our educated South Asian community in the US, some young women were getting beaten up by their husbands or tortured by their in-laws. I remembered how lonely I had felt when I migrated to the US. What would I have done if it had happened to me? Surprising myself, I responded to my own question in verse. I also learned that in the US, where women seemed to be ‘liberated’ compared to women in South Asia, domestic violence was prevalent. I took volunteer training at the Center for Battered Women (old name for SafePlace) and became a frequent customer in the library of the Texas Coalition on Family Violence. I started noticing and questioning sexism and other isms everywhere. I volunteered at SafePlace and SAHELI in every possible role. I also started writing poetry again after thirty years, this time in English, and with intensity and purpose. I felt that I had this potential, this gift, worth exploring, and the confirmation came from readers.

Tyler: Mamata, I assume you grew up being bi-lingual, speaking and writing both English and Oriya. What are the advantages and difficulties of each language for poetry? Do you write in Oriya at all now?

Mamata: Actually, I didn’t speak much English until I came to the US although I could read and write it well. There wasn’t a need to speak English. Oriya was the only language I knew in my early years. I attended schools where the medium of teaching was Oriya and we learned three other languages: Hindi starting in 4th grade, English in 6th, and Sanskrit in 8th grade. This four-language formula continued until the end of high school. In college, English was the medium of teaching, but most of the speaking outside the classroom continued in Oriya. With non-Oriya Indians, I spoke mostly in Hindi. I also picked up a little Bengali from neighbors because its sound had an attractive power.

For poetry, Oriya, a Sanskrit-based language, has a structural advantage of ease of sound and length manipulation: it is easier to produce rhyming sounds and rhythmic patterns; a whole phrase can be packed into a single word. English, on the other hand, has the advantage of ease of expression of modern thought.

I think it is difficult to write poetry in a language in which you don’t think. It would be a good translation at best. When I didn’t speak in English, I didn’t think in English, even though I could read and write it well. If I had written poetry during my early years in the US, I probably would have written in Oriya. But when I started writing poetry, I had lost my fluency in Oriya due to lack of use for almost 25 years. One of the poems in the book, “Woman,” I wrote in Oriya initially. When I started translating it into English a year later, I ended up rewriting it and the English version was stronger. Choice of language was clear at that point. I don’t write in Oriya now. Sometimes, I translate passages between the two languages for play and practice.

Tyler: Have you found a readership at all in India? If so, what has been the response by readers there?

Mamata: I have been published in India a couple of times in magazines. It will be possible to find a readership if I try. Until now, the readership for “Winter Blossoms” in India has been limited to my family and friends circle but the response has been positive and encouraging. One English teacher told me that she used the poem titled “Silence” in her class and asked for a copy of the book for the school library. Some people have expressed surprise seeing the Indian mysticism in the poems.

Tyler: Why have you chosen to tell the stories of the women in your book in the form of poems rather than short stories or as a group of characters in a novel? What does poetry add to the theme that prose cannot?

Mamata: I find poetry to be an effective medium to make a point. With poetry it is possible to convey a lot with a few words. It takes less time both to write and read a poem than a short story or an essay. I don’t have to write about all the details. I don’t have to tell the whole story, develop characters, build the plot, or do a lot of research. I can just focus on a moment, and spill what I see and feel at that moment. The advantage of poetry is its brevity, its intensity, its suddenness, its free form, its sound, and its power to touch the heart. This is appealing to me.

Having said that, I must point out that I didn’t write the poems for the book; I decided to create a book for the poems that were already there, like one creates an album for pictures. The book doesn’t tell a story or several related or unrelated stories, for which prose would have been a more effective medium. The book is about a journey; what I encountered during the journey; each poem is a picture.

Tyler: Mamata, would you share with us a favorite poem or a favorite passage from a poem and tell us why it is one of your favorites?

Mamata: You know, Tyler, a mother loves all her children equally although she knows the strengths and weaknesses of each. So I don’t want to say one poem is my favorite. But I shall share one, along with the corresponding mother’s brag form, if you like. Let me share the title poem “Winter Blossoms” since you had asked about it earlier.

Winter Blossoms

The red bud tree in my back yard

is dressed in bright pink

fooled by the unusual mid-January warmth.

Surely it’s spring, it says.

The weatherman shakes his head.

The Alaskan front is days away

from stripping off that beautiful attire.

Malathi, when you say

Surely he is going to change

when he sees his baby kick and cry

and touches the tender skin!

After all, isn’t it his own flesh and blood!

When you try not to remember

how he left you

to bleed alone

to starve

not caring

if his baby in your womb

kicked or not,

I feel like the weatherman,

knowing that the battering front

is only days away

from turning your hope into despair.

I had mentioned earlier that writing this poem was like a painless childbirth. Here is how it happened as mentioned in the book.

“Early one morning, I pulled the blinds on the kitchen window and saw the red bud tree in our back yard full of blossoms overnight. I remembered the weather forecast from the night before and at the same time saw the face of a woman I had been helping superimposed on the tree branches. It was one of those moments when I have to surrender myself to the writing urge that takes control of me. I found myself typing away at the computer instead of pouring myself some coffee.”

This short poem shows the extent of physical violence, the undying hope and denial frequently seen in battered women, the concern and frustration of the compassionate listener. The weather analogy brings it all out in a simple way that anyone can relate to.

Tyler: Thanks for sharing the poem, Mamata. I can definitely see the relation between the subject and the image. I also like that you include commentary about why you created the poems in the section titled “Poems and People.” What made you decide to include this section?

Mamata: I sometimes used concepts or characters from Indian spiritual or mythological books for an analogy. It would be difficult for non-Indians to understand fully such poems without some explanation. At other times, poems were my response to some incident and I felt that readers needed to know the context to be able to understand or appreciate the poem. I could have used footnotes for these details. But footnotes would have changed the look of the book, interrupted the flow. So I decided to include such information as notes at the end of the book, and named the chapter “Poems and People” following the naming style of other chapters.

Tyler: I can certainly understand that you want non-Indians to understand the Indian background of the poems. Do you have many non-Indian readers? Have you found that being Indian has been a benefit to you in promoting your poetry or has it worked against you?

Mamata: It is too early for me to answer that. The optimist in me thinks that the Indian elements in the book will be a benefit because they add something different. Also we now live in a smaller, flatter world and move across cultures more than before. Reason for people’s interest in other cultures is shifting from mild curiosity to usefulness. Being Indian has not worked against me in my past endeavors; it shouldn’t now.

TTyler: Which of your poems do you think has the most interesting origins?

Mamata: Several of the poems have interesting origins. For example, take the short poem called “Rights.” It reads:

Your rights are like Lakshm
i
knowing them is Saraswati

living them is Shakti, sister,

the goddesses are with you.

Lakshmi, Saraswati, and Shakti are Hindu goddesses symbolizing wealth, knowledge, and strength respectively.

Here is how the poem came about. I had participated in a workshop at the University of Texas called the Austin Project where poets, performing artists, and activists experimented with Image Theater to sculpt their ideas with human bodies and expressions and have participants interpret what they saw. The precursor to this poem was born at the workshop. Its theme was immigrant rights and I had written something describing the images I had made. It was the season when Hindu goddesses are publicly worshipped with grandeur and the central Texas Bengali community was getting ready for the celebration. Within a week, my scribbles from the workshop evolved into this poem, retaining only the title, got translated into Bengali and sent to their journal, where both the English and Bengali translation appeared side by side.

This origin is interesting in the way it stretches from a point to a line, connecting two very different events. The outcome is interesting in the way the poem connects two dissimilar themes. A human rights activist may not usually relate human rights to wealth, knowledge, and strength; and one who prays for wealth, knowledge, or strength may not see their connection with human rights.

Tyler: If you imagined yourself as the reader of the poems, what is the feeling you hope you would come away with after reading “Winter Blossoms”?

Mamata: I hope the reader would be able to feel the emotions of the subjects, connect what seems distant and unfamiliar with what is familiar. I also hope the reader comes away with a feeling of compassion, understanding, and hope, and some food for thought.

Tyler: I understand the book is illustrated. Who is your illustrator and why did you choose to have illustrations?

Mamata: Indira Chakravorty is the illustrator. She is also an anti-violence activist and is a co-founder of two Texas organizations that work against domestic violence: SAHELI in Austin and DAYA in Houston. I felt that line drawings would enhance the messages in the book, and give the book a unique look. I had worked with Indira for years, on various projects, and had seen her artistic talent. I thought that she would be perfect for this job. I have been happy with the result.

Tyler: Thank you for joining me today, Mamata. Before we go, will you let readers know where they can go to learn more about “Winter Blossoms” and where to purchase a copy of the book?

Mamata: Readers can browse the first few pages of the book at the iUniverse website (www.iuniverse.com). Reader reviews are available at the Amazon website. A copy may be purchased from either of these websites, from Barnes & Noble. The SAHELI website (www.saheli-austin.org) also showcases the book on their home page. In addition to being a tool for understanding domestic violence in the Asian context, the book helps SAHELI with royalties received from the sales of the book. I am available for reading at non-profit events, especially for similar causes. I will soon have my own website at http://mamatamisra.com with information about Winter Blossoms.

Tyler: Thank you, Mamata. I’ve enjoyed talking to you. It’s been a pleasure to meet both a poet and someone intent on improving the world. I wish you all the best.

Mamata: Thank you, Tyler. It is my pleasure.

http://www.readerviews.com/

In 1983 my husband and I watched and cried as our newborn twin sons died. Their deaths were unexpected and difficult to live through. Yet we survived. With the love and support of family and many friends, we were able to bear the several years it took to feel whole again.

Our babies were born with renal agenesis. For reasons unknown, their kidneys never formed. Although this condition can be detected before birth, I am thankful that we did not know. At that point in my life I would have chosen to carry the pregnancy to term. Going through the difficulties of having twins is hard enough. But the knowledge that my babies would die soon after their lifelines to me were cut would have made that pregnancy almost unbearable.

The experience of grief forces one into long hours of contemplation. It opens one’s eyes to the realities of the world. Often it is the first time one becomes aware that horrors don’t always happen to other people. Rather, they are a continuous part of everyday life. When I came to the conclusion that life is not always fair, my priorities were given careful analysis and readjusted.

We live in a world where absolutes cannot exist. For one thing, they don’t fit in a society with such a diversity of religions, cultures, experiences, and value systems as ours has.

Further, absolutes imply perfection, and ours is an imperfect world, where suffering, even by the innocent, is commonplace. So we must adjust to situations less than what we consider perfect.

Our politicians are struggling with legislating whether or not abortion should be allowed, and under what circumstances. The pro-life forces are doing their level best, sometimes with less than ethical and compassionate tactics, to stop all abortions. Other radical groups feel abortions should be legal in every situation. Both sides are seeking a single answer. What they don’t realize is that this is an issue that will never be resolved. As long as there are two beings sharing the same body, there cannot be one answer.

A pregnancy creates some of the greatest stresses, both physical and emotional, that a woman can go through. Some women have few problems with it, others have many. For a mature woman who wants her baby, it is difficult enough to go through the constant aches, varicose veins, stretch marks, insomnia and nausea. If she is supported and the baby loved, the pregnancy can very well be a happy time of anticipation.

But if the mother is herself a child, finds herself suddenly alienated from family and friends, and hates the fetus within her, the nine months may seem like a prison sentence. She is much more likely to abuse her own body, and likewise the baby’s by smoking, drinking, and taking other drugs. That increases the risk to both mother and baby. And it means that this baby, who has spent nine months living in the resulting hostile environment, will be a much more likely candidate for perinatal death or emotional and physical injury.

If the mother does not keep the child, it is placed in a foster home until, and if, someone is willing to adopt another special-needs child. Of course that doesn’t always happen, but it is not uncommon.

I have no problem admitting that a fetus is a human from conception. And I would like to be able to say that no one has the right to take a life. But I no longer believe that to be true. There are times and occasions when killing a human being is justifiable. Emergency response teams are justified in shooting a man holding a knife at a child’s throat. The Allies were justified in killing in order to stop the Nazis in the Second World War. And doctors are justified in removing the beating heart from a brain-dead patient to save the life of another, potentially viable person.

The decision to abort a baby does not come easily to any woman. And it is likely that she will grieve for her baby if she does not keep it. But the grief from an early abortion does not approach the pain of losing a baby at term, whether from death or adoption. As well as losing our sons, my husband and I had several miscarriages. I grieved for every one of those wanted and loved babies. But the loss of them was resolved much more quickly than the death of our twins.

It is so easy for others to tell a woman that she can always give the baby up for adoption, as if it were like selling a loved puppy. Mothers who have given up their babies often spend a lifetime in mourning. It is an unresolved grief because they are always wondering if the child is all right, if it is being loved and cared for, even if it is still alive.

Of course the mother can keep her baby. And if she is mature enough and supported enough maybe she can live through weeks of sleep deprivation without battering or neglecting her child. Parenthood is wonderful in the right circumstances. But when we look in the papers, or watch the news, we are reminded of how often it is not.

In an ideal world, every pregnancy would be planned, loved, and healthy. But as things are, some compromises must be made. Accidents do happen; nature does not always produce a healthy child. Not all families are capable of dealing with the stresses of a severely handicapped child; not all women and girls are capable of coping with an unwanted pregnancy. To force them into living through such conditions is cruel and smacks of society imposing a punishment.

Very early in pregnancy, women should be given unbiased counseling in which they are informed of their choices and what, if any, support services are available. Then, if the woman is adamant about ending the pregnancy, she should have an abortion, quickly if possible, while the conceptus is still an embryo or a very young fetus. The abortion should be considered self-defense. If the abortion is performed for genetic or congenital reasons, it must necessarily be done at a more advanced stage. The procedure then could be considered euthanasia. All abortions should be done humanely and with reverence for the life it was necessary to take.

We all know of cases where it seemed that a woman used abortion as a form of birth control, and did so without a second thought. But if we were able to step inside her body for awhile, we might come away with a very different perspective. What is easy for one may for another be very difficult, if not impossible. What is acceptable for one may be excruciatingly painful for another. In an ideal world we would be able to say that no circumstances warrant the taking of a life. But then, in an ideal world we would have no human misery.

Genetic counselors gave our next baby a 50 per cent chance of having no kidneys. Since renal agenesis is always fatal, we did a lot of soul-searching before accepting the risk. After much time spent in grief, and our fourth miscarriage, we resolved to try one last time. I decided against antenatal screening, feeling I could deal with whatever might come. Had I not had such a supportive husband and family, I might well have made a different choice. As it was, we were lucky and were blessed with a nine-pound five-ounce son; finally, a healthy brother for our seven year-old son.

As human beings living in society, we have an obligation to try to understand other positions on difficult social and moral problems, even when we profoundly disagree. Unfortunately the abortion debate has polarized opinions so that it seems that one must either be in favor of innocent babies’ lives, or for the rights of women to control their own bodies.

No single formula can resolve the dilemma. Both the pro-life and the pro-choice positions contain important considerations. But every situation must be considered on its own merits.

Let’s not forget that people are individuals in unique situations that need to be looked at in their own terms, with understanding and compassion.

Diane C. Nicholson http://www.twinheartphoto.com is a freelance writer and photo-artist specializing in families of all species. As a bereaved parent herself, she has worked extensively with other grieving parents and now creates “memorial art” in which she uses their own snapshots (how many of us have wished we’d gotten that portrait, too late– including stillborn infants) and turns them into art. These can be used as cards to give out at funerals and memorial services (all accomplished online) or printed onto a stretched canvas, ready to hang.

She also has quality, Earth-friendly posters (one, First Born, is her most famous. It is the once-in-a-lifetime photo of a mare and foal lying down and cuddling together. These 18 x 24 posters have been bought for walls of maternity offices and birthing centers, new baby gifts, and so on, along with the regular Holiday gift-giving.

Other than her own art, Diane specializes her photography sessions on “Bellies, Births and Babies”. She loves the whole birthing process and used to teach prenatal classes as well as attend births as support. Now she leaves that to midwives and doulas and records the memories in stunning photographs of the working, birthing couple and the new family.

Because of the economy, Diane is trying to help a little with Holiday expenses by temporarily lowering the prices of her wall-art: http://www.twinheartphoto.com/Wall%20Art.htm

One of the features of facial aging that bothers women the most is the development of upper lip lines. Whether they be small fine lines that are at the junction of the skin and upper lip or much deeper lines that extend vertically way up into the skin…women hate them…as they indicate a more aged mouth look and in more severe cases allows lipstick to bleed up into the lines. Many patients think it is due to smoking and chronic sun exposure (and clearly these can make a big contribution) but the reality is…it is a function of full your lips are and how thick your skin is.

This is why this is much more of a problem in Caucasians of northern European and English descent than it ever is in African-Americans, southern Europeans, or those of Mediterranean origins. As all natural wrinkles form perpendicular to the direction and action of the underlying muscles, vertical lip lines develop from the action of the circumferential orbicularis muscle that purses your mouth around a straw, cigarette, or puckers for that kiss.

While the diagnosis of this problem is easy, it’s treatment is not. Since you can’t cure the cause of the lines (thicken your skin or stop moving your mouth), I tell patients to think about improvement (but not elimination of the upper lip lines) and the need for maintenance treatments as we are not curing the root of the problem. Treatment choices are based on three achievable objectives; diminish the muscle movement (Botox), plump up the lips or fill the lip lines (injectable fillers), or ‘sand’ down the wrinkles. (dermabrasion or laser resurfacing). Any combination of two or more of these will produce a better result in most patients. While Botox can certainly weaken the muscle movement and cause less puckering, it must be done carefully so as not to create an unnatural lip movement with smiling.

For this reason, this is usually the last procedure I will do or will do it only in combination with everything else in the most severe cases. Injectable fillers are a good option if the patient can accept or wants a larger lip. If not, then dermabrasion or medium-depth laser resurfacing is the only other option. The best results that I usually see is when the upper lip is slightly enhanced with a filler and the upper lip is then laser resurfaced at a depth of 50 – 100 microns.

This is probably the best combination if, again, the patient can accept a larger upper lip. It heals within a week and can be done in the office under local anesthesia. Patients will usually have to repeat the procedure once a year for maintenance of good results. However, it is fair to say that upper lip lines defy one single permanent solution.

Dr Barry Eppley is a board-certified plastic surgeon in private practice in Indianapolis, Indiana at Clarian Health Systems. (http://www.eppleyplasticsurgery.com) He writes a daily blog on plastic surgery, spa therapies, and medical skin care at http://www.exploreplasticsurgery.com

Marriage in this day and age is not an easy undertaking. With many marriages failing in America due to infidelity and other factors what options does a Christian have? It is often stated that over half of marriages fail in America and with Christianity being the predominant religion clearly many of those same marriages are from a Christian household. However, if you believe your marriage is under attack what can you do to save it?

Marriage Counseling For A Christian

If you are considering getting counseling in order to save your marriage I would have to applaud you. The reason being is that as a Christian every effort should be made to save the marriage before divorce is considered. So then what options do you have to save your marriage?

The first option is to find out if your church offers some sort of marriage counseling. The reason to look to your local church first is because you more then likely have a better relationship with your pastor or elder then some psychologist would. This relationship can help smooth the rough times of trying to come to common terms with your spouse.

The second option is to see marriage counseling from a certified professional in that area. These marriage counselors are usually some sort of social worker such as a psychologist or other professional in conflict resolution. With the hurt feelings of betrayal and loss it is easy to have a altered viewpoint of one you used to love so dearly.

The option to save your marriage is the first thing a Christian should consider. Marriage counseling can be vital to save a relationship that is in taters. The vows you take on your wedding day should be taken seriously and the fact that you are considering saving your marriage is viewed to be a very good act in the eyes of God.

Every person has their own choices to make and take on their beliefs and no one should pass judgment on how you view your marriage or your vows. However, the act of trying to save something before it is destroyed is a commendable act.

Saving a marriage is hard work! Others have been successful in restoring their relationships but they did not do it alone, find the best resources to save your marriage!

Getting a girl to orgasm actually requires a combination of several aspects which include a lot of physical and emotional aspects. The problem is that guys often only focus on the physical aspect and not on the emotional one due to which they are not very effective when it comes to the matter of making a girl orgasm fast. There are some underground tricks and techniques using which you can easily make a girl orgasm fast. Read on to discover what these secret tricks are and how you can use them to make a girl orgasm extremely fast……

Stimulate her mind first- That is where it all starts. You see this concept is very simple, Men get an erection when they think about something sensual and so do women therefore you must appeal to her emotions and mind before you do anything physical. Talk in a deep smooth voice in her ear and tell her what’s about to come. Tell her that you are going to do something she has never experienced before and it would give her the kind of pleasure she has never had before. Doing this would instantly turn her on and she would be in a better state to reach an orgasm.

Now stimulate her senses- Stimulate every sensitive zone in her body one by one which include her neck, legs, lips, tummy area and vaginal area. Make sure you go from upper body to lower body slowly. You see the slower you go the more turned on she would be and the more prepared she would be for a great orgasm. To rap it all up you must rub your penis around her vaginal area but don’t insert your penis yet, Keep on rubbing it around that area and let her know you are around but keep her waiting. The more you keep her waiting the faster she will orgasm.

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As women we know that a lack of sleep leaves us irritable; however most of us are unaware of the damage it may be doing to our skin? Besides being an essential component of a healthy lifestyle, getting 8 hours of sleep per night helps improve the texture and the luminosity of our skin. During the night the skin is restored from the harmful effects of daily stress. When we do not get the required sleep our skin suffers. This is especially noticeable in the fragile skin under the eyes. The under eye area is almost fifty percent thinner than the skin on the face. Sleepless nights leaves behind fine lines, dark circles or puffy bags. Cosmetic treatments can soften the effects of sleep deprivation but preventive medicine is the best cure. Eye treatments are limited in their ability and cannot reverse the stress that a lack of sleep will do to the skin.

Sleep experts say that we need 8 hours of sleep per night. However, the latest research shows that women average 6 hours and forty minutes of sleep during the week and 7 hours on the weekend. Besides the extra work that women have to contend with (helping with homework, laundry, cooking, etc.) and the many concerns that keep them from sleep, women are also be kept awake by – small children who wake during the night, teenagers coming home late, aging parents who get up during the night.

What can we do to sleep more peacefully and longer? Here are some hints:

1. Eliminate noise from your bedroom. Bedroom sounds should be low and consistent. Try earplugs.

2. Keep your room dark by using dark fabric on your windows. If that is not possible, try eyeshades.

3. The temperature of the room should be cool.

4. A relaxing bath before you go to bed will induce sleep.

5. Set a schedule to arise, no matter what time you went to bed the night before.

6. Turn your clock so you can’t see the time if you wake up in the middle of the night.

7. Keep TV’s and computers out of the bedroom, make it a place just for sleep and sex.

8. Get a queen-size mattress if you don’t sleep alone. We need room to move.

9. Avoid alcohol before sleeping. While alcohol may help us fall asleep, it will also wake us in the middle of the night.

10. Avoid nicotine before going to bed because it is a stimulant.

11. Don’ go to bed hungry or overly full. Have a snack early in the night.

12. Watch your coffee intake. Caffeine from coffee, tea, cola and chocolate can affect you for up to twelve hours.

13. If you fret during the night or if you think of something that you must do the next day, write it down so you can deal with it in the morning.

14. Try natural-fill pillows such as down or feather because they have the most adjustability. If you suffer from back pain put a pillow between your knees for a more comfortable sleep.

Happy Sleeping!!!!!

Sheila Dicks is a wardrobe and image consultant who teaches women how to look slimmer by dressing to suit their body type. Visit her at http://www.sheilasfashionsense.com to download a copy of her e-book

Image Makeovers and get How to Build a Wardrobe free.

The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) was authored by Senator Chris Dodd and signed into law by President Bill Clinton in 1993. It is designed to acknowledge that employees have health concerns and other issues outside of work, and should be able to attend to those concerns without fear of losing their jobs. The law applies to all organizations with fifty or more employees and all government programs.

The FMLA guarantees qualified employees up to 12 weeks of medical leave per year (defined as a 12-month period beginning when the organization decides.) This time off does not need to be paid, but the employee does need to be guaranteed a job when they return to work. If the company is unable to keep the employee’s job unfilled for up to 12 weeks, they may offer the employee a different but equivalent job when he or she returns to work.

Qualified employees are those who have worked at least 1250 hours for the employer within the last twelve months. This means that part-time employees are generally not entitled to FMLA protection. In some states there are additional employment laws to protect part-time workers and others who may not be covered by the federal law. Other states, such as Texas, only enforce the federal law.

A person can take medical leave if they are experiencing and illness or injury that impairs their ability to do their job. An employee can also take medical leave if a family member is suffering from an ailment that requires the employee to take care of them. Adding a new child to the family, whether by birth or adoption/foster care, is also a valid reason to take time off from work. Women who have given birth are not the only ones entitled to time off to care for a newborn; fathers can also stay home for the first few months of their child’s life.

An employee does not need to take all 12 weeks offered at once. They can take multiple short periods of leave, or they can even work fewer hours per day for a limited amount of time. Some agencies require employees to use their vacation and sick leave before they can take medical leave.

If a person takes a temporary leave from work to serve the military, this is not taken from their FMLA time. Employees can only take a family or medical leave to care for members of their immediate family; a sick friend is not grounds for time off under the FMLA.

For more information about work-related legislation, contact Austin Family and Medical Leave Act attorneys Melton & Kumler.

Joseph Devine

Society has been fixated on weight loss products for a long time. With a higher number of people experiencing health concerns due to obesity and being overweight, the emphasis is much more targeted on helping people lose weight. But, what about the people who’s strongest desire is to gain weight?

Being underweight may be more common than you think. These individuals thrive to have a curvy body type. Just like those with issues of being overweight, people who are underweight often get teased and tormented about their inability to gain weight. Constantly being teased, coupled with bouts of low self esteem pushes them to seek desperate, unhealthy measures to gain weight. People with low weight issues should be aware that there are healthy ways to gain weight. Following, are three tips that show underweight individuals can gain weight the right way.

Free Weights

Lifting weight is the most important method to packing on healthy body mass and muscle size. One word of caution when listing weights is to be sure to learn proper form. Begin by incorporating exercises that will add more bulk to your lower and upper body such as squats, deadlifts, lateral raises, and push ups. For the best results, try to schedule resistance training into your workout routine 3-4 times per week. Some trainers will advise that you eliminate cardio, by only focusing on weights. However, cardio is known to have excellent affects on the body’s health. Performing cardio at low to moderate pace should not hinder your progress. But, remember to keep it low as high impact exercises such as running burns fat; quickly.

Healthy Foods

Loading up on fast food, junk food, and greasy, unsaturated foods is not the healthiest way to gain weight. In fact, these foods may be harmful to your health. To gain weight all you need to do is to add 500 more calories a day to your diet. Eating at least 3500 more calories a week in the form of healthy food choices should help add more weight to your frame.

Healthy foods include carbohydrates (simple or complex), protein, and healthy fats. Carbohydrates help your body to sustain proper energy and blood sugar levels. Consuming more protein is a good way to add extra calories. Lastly, you’ll want to eat as much healthy fats as you can until you reach your desired weight. Fats that contain omega -3 essential fatty acids are fish, flax, and walnuts are excellent choices for fats.

Supplements

If loading up on healthy food does not support your weight gain, supplements may do the trick. Certain supplements are created to help add bulk to your body. One well-known supplement product is Creatine. Creatine, a form of amino acids, is most widely used by bodybuilders to gain muscle mass and size. The supplement, glutamine is another source of healthy amino acids that may add on weight. Another supplement to add to your list is a good weight gainer that can be purchased from your local health food store. Weight gainers are high in calories, making it easier for you to reach your 3500 caloric increase easier.

Gaining weight doesn’t have to be difficult. Nor does gaining weight have to be unhealthy. Changing a few things in your diet, followed by a workout plan that incorporates free weights is all you’ll need to leave that underweight body behind. Good luck on starting your new diet and workout routine.

Are you looking for more way to gain weight or build muscle? Then check out some of the best foods that build muscle and information on muscle building.

According to a 15-year study presented at the Toronto Indoor Air Conference, women who work at home have a 54% higher death rate from cancer than those who work away from home. The study concluded that this was a direct result of the increased exposure to toxic chemicals, many of which are found in common household products. Of the 75,000 registered chemicals, only a fraction has been tested for human health concerns. Furthermore, more than 9 out of every 10 suspected poison exposures occur at home with household products.

We believe your home should be the safest place in the whole world.

Below we expose some of the harmful and toxic chemicals lurking under your sink and in your laundry room. All Purpose Cleaners: Many popular household cleaning solutions like Fantastik & Formula 409 contain a synthetic solvent and grease cutter called butyl cellosolve. This hazardous petroleum-based chemical contains neurotoxins and can irritate your skin and eyes. Plus, repeated exposure to it can cause permanent liver and kidney damage, and impair the body’s ability to replenish blood supply. Many all-purpose cleaners may also contain synthetic solvents that can cause hormone disruptions. As butyl cellosolve are neurotoxins and nasal irritants, another toxin, morpholine, can cause liver or kidney damage.

Bathroom Cleaners: Traditional scouring cleansers like Ajax & Comet contain crystalline silica, an eye, skin and lung irritant, classified as “reasonably anticipated to be a human carcinogen” by the National Institute of Environmental Health Science.

Some tub, tile, and sink cleaners may contain chlorine and may contribute to the formation of organochlorines, a dangerous class of compounds that can cause reproductive, endocrine, and immune system disorders. Some may also contain phosphoric acid, which is corrosive in high concentrations and is an eye, skin, and respiratory irritant.

Glass Cleaners: Window cleaning sprays like Windex & Glass Plus contain ammonia, a suffocating gas, irritating to the eyes and respiratory tract. Many, like Windex and Glass Plus, contain butyl cellosolve, a neurotoxin that’s easily absorbed through the skin.

Laundry Detergent: Most well known powders like Tide, All, Gain & Dash contain corrosives that can burn the eyes and skin. Other chemicals include sodium bisulfate (a corrosive that can cause severe eye, skin and respiratory irritation), ethoxylated alcohols (which may contain I,4-dioxane, and is “reasonably anticipated to be a human carcinogen.”)

Many laundry powders also contain irritants that can be absorbed through the skin or inhaled-a common cause of allergic response. Triethanolamine dodecylbenzenesulfonate is such an irritant, and is on the EPA and DOT hazardous substances list. Contact can irritate and burn the skin and eyes, breathing it can irritate the nose, throat and lungs causing coughing, wheezing and/or shortness of breath. Repeated skin contact may cause dryness, itching, chronic irritation, and rash.

Automatic Dishwashing Detergent: Two of the best selling brands of automatic dishwashing detergents, Cascade & Sun Light, contain phosphates and chlorine – two extremely toxic chemicals. Chlorine fumes are released in the steam that leaks out of the dishwasher, and they are highly irritating to the eyes, throat and respiratory tract. Inhaling them can cause headaches, burning eyes, and breathing difficulties. Phosphates released into the environment rob lakes and ponds of oxygen, leading to the suffocation of aquatic plants and animals and creating algae.

So, if you want a safe, non-toxic home, look at natural alternatives that are just as effective as their toxic counterparts.

Copyright (c) 2008 Shelby Steinborn

For more information regarding non-toxic cleaning products, go to http://www.shaklee.net/ahealthyplanet/getclean

If you’ve been wondering how to make your breasts grow without surgery, I have some great news for you. Natural strategies can be used to experience significant results. Surgery isn’t your only option. In fact, you may be able to develop the figure you’ve always wanted fairly quickly without undergoing any invasive procedures.

It all starts with a pretty simple concept. Hormones. Hormones are what drives breast growth during puberty. The body concocts the right hormonal mix, giving our bodies the signal to start growing. Some of us, as you know, just don’t grow quite as much as others!

So, what do you think would happen if you could convince the body to start producing some of the very same hormones it was supposed to be creating back during puberty? Bingo. That would be the perfect answer for those who want to figure out how to make your breasts grow without surgery!

Here’s the awesome part. It works. The use of certain completely natural and tested herbs can trigger the body to produce the requisite hormones. You can basically flip the “on switch” for breast growth again.

All you need is a smart herbal regimen and an understanding of some important complimentary techniques (one of which is a very simple to perform breast massage strategy that helps to get the herbs into the bloodstream in targeted areas) and you can start experiencing larger breasts, naturally.

If you want “a little more up top”, think twice before implant surgery. There is an alternative. Natural methodologies can produce amazing results and you can figure out exactly how to make your breasts grow without surgery.

You can discover natural natural breast enlargement secrets that will safely and easily transform your figure forever!

Randi recommends investigating proven, step-by-step techniques you can use to increase your breast size without using phony pills or resorting to surgery.

It’s time for larger breasts – Naturally!