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In the “old days” women’s roles were clear. True, they might have been already chosen for them, but they knew what was expected. They could take pride in the job they did. They could bond together with the same concerns as coworkers do. They could live in a sisterhood and pour out their feelings of hostility towards a male-based society over the fences of their backyards. Ah, the good old days. Today those fences are gone and we are too busy to indulge in such frivolities as a sisterhood.

The women’s movement changed the face of America as surely as the Civil War did. Women were encouraged to go out, “bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, never let you forget you’re a man” (If you’re too young to remember this, it’s from an old perfume commercial). For many years women thrived under this encouragement. They became everything they wanted to be and they supported each other in their endeavors. They cheered each other on and rejoiced in the advances of women. It was a strong sisterhood. It was intense and it had a life of it’s own.

Something terrible happened in the midst of that success. The primary role of women in days past became scorned. Those in the throes of the successful women’s movement could not understand why a woman would lower herself and actually choose to be only a wife and mother. Women who stayed home to nurture their children and make their families their first priority became looked upon as oppressed, lazy, or lacking the intelligence needed for further advancement. Suddenly, in the span of 20 years the most important job in the world became a disgrace and a shame.

It’s seems that this movement has now come full circle. Many women are finding that they no longer want to endure the daily battle of trying to find a balance between having a full time job and raising a happy family. Filled with stress and guilt from both of these important arenas in their life they are finding they are not happy and fulfilled in either. For some, they find that the successes of the boardroom do not come close to salving the wound of missing their child’s first home run. So they make a tough decision. They go home. They raise happy families and everyone lives happily ever after. Not so.

Women have become their own worst enemies. Those that choose to work often look at stay at home moms as academically unchallenged and blind to the things they could become if only they had the ambition. They are seen as settling for the life they have and weak because they won’t stand up and take more. I’ve even heard it said that they are traitors to the women’s movement and have set it back decades. The other end of the spectrum can be just as judgmental. Some stay at home moms look at working moms as greedy and self centered. One wonders why a woman would have a child and then pay someone else to raise it. Their children are pitied and the time is counted until they become ax murderers and bank robbers.

We seem unable to accept that maybe both sides are right. Maybe it’s because we both envy each other a little. As women we often strike back at things which make us feel inadequate and there is no other topic more able to make us feel that way than mothering. In an area where we are our own worst enemies, always questioning our every chore given and discipline meted out it is no wonder why we would crush the opposite camp which makes us feel all those things with blinding and frighteningly accurate blows.

I believe in these facts. No one can replace a mother. No mother who loves her child wants to be replaced. There are some bad mothers out there who never should have had children. A happy mom makes her children happy. A mom who stays home to raise her children and is constantly resentful and moody raises children who feel inadequate and unworthy. So maybe all moms shouldn’t stay home and maybe all moms shouldn’t work either.

While we would never let our children be categorized or labeled we have done the very same thing to ourselves. We have divided ourselves into two camps. While we would rather not admit it, each has it’s best to give. Each loves its children. Each of us has our gifts and can offer unique things to our children. How nice it would be to support each other in our choices and help each other and our children to make their lives loving and complete. It’s no less than what we ask our children to do every day. We ask them to have tolerance and compassion. Maybe some day we can grow to accept our differences and our strengths and weaknesses and work together so that all our children can flourish.

Sharon Lauer is a writer and the marketing director for http://www.everyoccasiongiftshop.com and http://www.simplythebestbaskets.com

If you’re going through a tough time in your marriage, you might automatically think of going to marital counseling. After all, it’s one great way to help your marriage, right? Some people believe so and then again, some people believe marital counseling is actually bad for your marriage. This article discusses the pros and cons of marital counseling so you can better decide whether to go for it or rule it out altogether.

Pros:
Obviously, one of the most important advantages of marital therapy is that you have the chance to repair your marriage. Often times, having someone from the outside (especially a professional) looking in will help you identify problems that you and your spouse don’t see. This can help you see destructive behaviors, loss of communication and much more.

Another advantage of marital therapy is working with a professional who has worked with many other couples and their marriages. Obviously, every marriage is different but your therapist may have more or better insight into how to fix your marriage than you do. This gives you and your spouse the upper hand against the problems that are tearing your marriage apart.

For the most part, marital counseling can be a good thing for a marriage. You and your spouse have the opportunity to vent about things that upset you, you can learn better communication which is the cornerstone of a marriage and you can really work toward fixing the problems.

Cons:

On the flip side, many people believe marital therapy can make your marriage worse than it was before you started going. You will have another large bill added to your stack, which places stress on the marriage. Finances are among the top reasons for divorce! If the marital therapy proves unproductive, you still have that fat bill and nothing to show for it.

Some also believe that talking and bringing up problems from the past in marital therapy can bring up new problems or create bigger arguments. Many couples believe that it’s just not worth the headache and that their problems could be solved better on their own.

In addition, some couples believe that some marriage counselors can’t stay neutral. That is, some feel that the counselor, despite their best intentions, seem to favor one partner’s side over another which can lead to one person feeling as if they’ve been “tag teamed.”

Although there are pros and cons for just about everything, the ones for marital therapy are certainly worth considering. Fixing your marriage is a huge task and could be one of the most important ones in your entire life. Using the comparisons above, you can determine whether or not you think marital therapy is right for you and your spouse.

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